What's Next?
by staceycity
Summary: This story picks up from Season 3 Episode 19. Not sure to where I want to take this but we'll see as we go along. Calleigh and Eric story. P.S. For anyone interested I am uploading some montages on Youtube, EC related :)
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1:**

Calleigh entered one of the labs where Eric was checking for finger prints to ask him something case related when she realized that he was pissed off about something. It was the way he frowned and focused too hard on what he was doing, the fact that he didn't even bother to look up to see who just entered the lab, that told her that something had happened. Something told her it was Wolfe related.

She recalled the conversation they had had on his first day. He had been assigned by Horatio to handle Dr Duquesne's case after he had thought that he had killed someone and Calleigh hadn't been happy about that fact at first, but then he had managed to clear her father and Calleigh had somehow accepted him as part of the team, noticing the signs Horatio was giving her, that he was interested in getting him on board. They were still one CSI less after Speedle had been shot, so Calleigh could understand the addition...but Eric couldn't really.

 _'So what do you think about the new guy?' she asked him._

 _It was late but they still hung out. She had driven her father home and then went over to Eric's. She had noticed that his mood hadn't been too good lately, granted he was still grieving the loss of his colleague and friend, just like she was, but somehow, Eric had taken it harder than she did. Maybe it was the fact that he couldn't drop everything and be with Speedle, even if that was in the morgue. He had found out later than the others did, and still had to wait longer to visit his dead friend. Calleigh had noticed that Eric was on the verge of losing it. It was typical behavior really when it comes to Eric, and that was why Calleigh was worried about him, so she decided to drop by his place to check if he was home._

 _'Wolfe? Yeah I guess he has an eye for detail' Eric replied._

 _Calleigh looked at him, studying him 'But you don't like him' she said narrowing slightly her eyes._

 _'Why? You do?' he asked her, sounding a little bitter as he grabbed the bottle of beer against his mouth and drowned the last bit of that particular bottle._

 _'Well he cleared my father from the mess he almost got himself into, so...I guess I can try' she replied with a shrug._

 _'Yeah I heard about your father. I'm sorry Cal' Eric replied sympathetically._

 _He knew how much family matters hurt her. She was practically always babysitting her own father. He was an alcoholic, and for the last couple of months he had managed to stay sober until he had messed up a chance for one of his clients. It had been one of those times, where a case was re-opened again and Eric had to go through the evidence. It had been quite the case. With both John Hagen who Calleigh was seeing at the time, and her father as the accused lawyer on the other hand, Eric had found himself in the middle of Calleigh's personal matters. He had been the cause of her breaking up with Hagen. He couldn't say that he wasn't happy about the break-up, he never really liked the guy, but he never wanted to upset Calleigh either._

 _'It's fine. I know you were busy handling today's main case' she told him._

 _'When I heard about it, it had been almost closed' he told her._

 _'Don't sweat it Eric' she replied and Eric nodded 'Beer?' he asked her._

 _'No I still have some, and you shouldn't be taking another one either. It's already your forth' she told him._

 _'I'm fine Calleigh. It's not like I am going anywhere' he told her._

 _'I know, but you know how I feel about alcohol' she replied 'And I know how you get when you're upset' she told him._

 _'I'm not upset' he argued and Calleigh gave him a look that told him she knows otherwise._

 _'You're still angry about what happened to Speed' she told him softly._

 _'Yes I am and to me Wolfe is not going to replace him' Eric told her, giving her one of his looks now._

 _'Accepting Wolfe on board if Horatio decides that he is fit for the job, does not mean that he is replacing Speed, just like no one can ever replace you to me' Calleigh told him._

 _'Well I don't plan on going anywhere' Eric told her._

 _'I'm sure neither did Speed' she said softly as she looked down at her hands, fidgeting with her fingers, sadness both in her eyes and tone of voice._

 _Eric grabbed another bottle and sat down next to her on the couch, softly nudging her with his shoulder 'I assure you I clean my gun Cal' he whispered softly._

 _'I know' she whispered softly 'But I know you too Eric...You're angry at Speed, you're angry with the world for taking him from us, you're still angry because you couldn't drop everything and come to him immediately...and when you get this upset and angry you lash out at the world. I know what you're doing. I know you're going out practically every night, I know you are screwing random girls...You're putting that frustration into random sex and I am worried about you' she told him._

 _'You don't have to worry about me. I won't drive drunk. I know what I am doing' he told her._

 _'Yeah sure you do' she whispered unconvinced._

'Heyy' she said 'What's up?' she asked him.

Eric lifted his gaze from the scope and snorted 'You heard?' he asked her, finally lifting his gaze to look at her.

'Heard what?' she asked back as she half sat on the desk next to him.

'Wolfe. He closed a case without me' he informed her 'I got the key gun from the sea and what does he do? He went straight to H without me...getting all the credits' he told her sourly.

'Mmm I see...and you're pissed off' she noted with a nod.

'Wouldn't you be pissed off if he did that to you?' he asked her.

'I probably would yes. Have you talked to him yet?' she asked him.

'No and if I don't see him at all, it is completely fine by me' Eric replied.

'Eric...' she said.

'Don't Eric me Cal. He is the one who is in the wrong here' Eric told her angrily 'And please don't take his side' he told her.

'I am not taking his side. He is trying to prove himself to Horatio probably. I don't think it has sunk in yet that he is no longer in patrol' Calleigh told him.

'Well it better sink in or otherwise, this is not going to work out. I can't work with someone like him' Eric told her.

'Is this just regarding who gets the merit of closing a case or something else?' she asked him.

'You and I haven't worked on a case together since Speedle died' he remarked out of the blues 'It's pissing me off. I am either on my own or stuck with Wolfe' he complained.

Calleigh smiled at him and punched him playfully in his shoulder 'You miss me?' she teased and Eric had to chuckle.

'Yeah I miss you silly. If I can't work with Speedle anymore, at least I should be able to still work with you' he told her.

'I know...but Ryan is new on the job, so I guess Horatio can't really send him on his own. He wants us to train him' she told him.

'Well he better changes his attitude then or I am going to refuse working with him any longer' Eric told her.

'Then that would mean that you and I are never on a case together, is that what you want?' she asked him.

'No of course not' he replied frustrated running a hand through his head.

'Then I suggest you kiss and make up' she told him with a teasing smile.

Eric chuckled at that comment 'OK fine...I'll try and make up but I am not kissing anybody. If Wolfe had long blonde hair and blue greenish eyes then that would be another thing' Eric told her with a wink and Calleigh laughed at that before she got up and made her way out of the lab.

oooOOOooo

'Hey have you seen Ryan?' Calleigh asked Eric as they met by coincidence in the corridors of the lab.

'Should I have seen him?' Eric asked her as he stopped and Calleigh sighed putting her hands on her hips, turning to face Eric.

'I asked him to talk to you about some tire tracks we found on the crime scene...' Calleigh replied.

'Mmm...well he hasn't talked to me yet' Eric replied sourly 'If I didn't know better, I say he is trying to figure it out by himself after what happened this morning' Eric told her and with that he continued on his way in search for Ryan now, while Calleigh just shook her head in frustration.

Eric was practically fuming. Having pride instead of sucking it all up and just ask the expert was wasting precious time to catch the killer and close this case. He would bet anything that Ryan was in one of the labs checking tire tracks against tire books to try and figure out which car was at the scene.

He made his way to one of the labs where he knew there were tire books available and stopped to look from behind the glass doors to check what Ryan was doing. He was right. Ryan was going through books to try and match the tracks. Shaking his head, Eric opened the door and walked inside stopping next to Ryan.

'Tire tracks in the second IRS shooting?' Eric asked him as he pretended to look at the papers in his hands.

'Yeah' Ryan whispered, without looking at his colleague, knowing that he was busted.

'You know that's my specialty right?' Eric asked him as he lifted his gaze from the papers to look at him.

'I figured you were busy?' Ryan replied, still not looking at Eric.

'Nuh, I got plenty of time on my hands Wolfe. Especially since you closed that last case without me' Eric told him glancing at him and then back at the papers in his hands.

Wolfe sighed but didn't say anything, instead he grabbed the photo from the crime scene in his hand and flipped the page from the tire books.

'What's the wheel base?' Eric asked him.

Ryan lifted his head from the book and stared ahead for a second before he flipped the notes he took '140 inches' he replied.

'Well it's pretty wide. Not that many cars wear 21 inch tires' Eric replied 'With that tread I'd be looking for a Rolls Royce phantom but emm...that's just me' Eric told him before walking away from him, hitting him playfully with the folder in his hands.

oooOOOooo

'Hey are you good?' Calleigh asked him as she nudged him with her shoulder. He was quiet, staring at the open sea in front of him as they sat down on the sand.

The rest of the day had gone by with Eric and Ryan not having much contact whatsoever, and Calleigh had hardly seen Eric after that encounter in the corridor. She needed to close the case and since Ryan was the one working on it with her, the two guys had managed to avoid each other for the rest of the day.

Eric shrugged without saying anything so Calleigh continued 'Would it help if you knew that I left him out when I found something?' she asked, getting his attention.

'What do you mean?' he asked.

'I realized what happened when I found textured saliva on the outside of the backseat window of the Rolls Royce and I didn't tell him. He asked what I was thinking and I told him that I wasn't going to tell him so he wouldn't go to Horatio with the information without me' Calleigh told him.

'You did what?' Eric asked with a laugh.

'Yeah...I gave him a taste of his own medicine' Calleigh replied.

'You always have my back' Eric told him.

'I always will Eric, but it doesn't mean that I approve of this behavior. I just wanted to make him see that that is not how we do things. That it is not a competition here, but a team working together' Calleigh told him.

'I don't know how you manage to do it' Eric told her.

'Do what?' she asked him.

'Work with him...be so nice to him' Eric replied.

'Come on Eric, he is not that bad' Calleigh started telling him 'He still has a lot to learn of course. It's a big change from patrol to CSI' Calleigh tried to explain.

'Yeah well when we started in the beginning, we never tried to compete with one another. It never even bothered me and Speed that you, a woman, was next in command, unlike other guys who would be irritated' Eric told her.

'Yeah well, you, me and Speed...we were really good friends' Calleigh told him.

'Yes...eventually...but in the beginning, we were all strangers to one another...well maybe you and I had met once already but that was it' Eric told her.

'I think it is just the timing that is setting you and Wolfe on the wrong side' Calleigh told him.

'Why? Because of Speed?' he asked her.

'Yes. You're not over it' she told him.

'Calleigh it's been just a couple of months. How can I be over it?' Eric asked her 'I go to his grave every morning before I come to work. Sometimes I talk to him and tell him what has been going on with cases and the lab, and sometimes...I just get mad at him for being negligent and an idiot for not cleaning his gun' Eric started telling her.

'You need to get that all that anger out' she told him.

'How could he be such an idiot damn it? I am so mad at him, if he was standing in front of me right now, I would punch him straight in the face' Eric admitted.

Calleigh placed her hand on his thigh and squeezed it a bit for him. She could understand his frustration. She was angry at Speed to. It had been so hard for her to analyse his gun, knowing what she was going to find. She had told him once before after he had been in an ambush, and if it hadn't been for the vest, he would have left sooner than he did. She couldn't understand why he wouldn't be careful with his gun. The one thing that could save his life...

'You know I'm sorry Cal...Speed was your friend too. It is not fair for me to dump all this on you' Eric told her.

'Hey you're not dumping anything. That is what friends are for right...to talk about things when they need to' she told him.

'God we haven't done this in so long' Eric told her.

'Yeah...' she whispered 'I think since Speed died' she said.

'How did we let it get this far?' Eric asked her.

Calleigh turned to look at him then and smiled 'Well...cause someone has been busy fucking every girl in town' she told him with that look that always cracked him up.

'I think you're exaggerating just a little bit, don't you think?' Eric asked her.

'Well that is not what I have heard' she replied.

'What have you heard then?' Eric asked her interested in the new gossip in the lab apparently.

'I heard that it is a different girl every night' she told him and Eric chuckled at that 'I mean seriously Eric, how do you manage to wake up in the morning?' she asked him.

'Well I think that is called good stamina' he told her and at that they both laughed hard.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2:**

Calleigh pulled the hummer to a stop and looked at her watch. She was early. She had time to do this. In fact, she should have been finding time to do this, but something kept holding her back from visiting. After yesterday's conversation with Eric, Calleigh found herself finding the courage to face this issue herself.

She hadn't been here for weeks since Speedle had died. She refused to come to the cemetery afraid of all the emotions such visit would ring inside of her. She was still angry even if she was doing a good job in hiding that fact, and the fact that Eric was lashing out at everyone, especially when a case that Speed had handled before gets reviewed for a reason or another, Calleigh was trying to keep her emotions at bay.

Last night's conversation though had reminded her that she still had some pending issues herself. She needed to face this, if not for her, at least she had to do it for Eric. She needed to help him face this. She knew that his recent behavior, the anger that he has inside of him, is all due to the fact that he is still trying to come to terms with Speedle's death. She needed to face hers in order to help Eric face them himself. For some reason, she felt responsible. She felt like she needed to be the one to help him through this or at least get him to go to counseling.

She opened the door and jumped out of her hummer and started making her way to where Tim was buried. She hoped that Eric won't be here, because she needed to have some time for herself with Tim after taking so long to come here and do this.

As she approached, Calleigh realized that Eric was not there, so checking around her to see if she could spot him, Calleigh picked up her pace to at least get a couple of minutes before he shows up.

She stopped, staring at his name carved on the stone and took a deep long breath.

'Hey...I'm here...finally' she started telling him 'Yeah I know, I emm...I haven't been around. You know me...I thought that if I stayed away then it would help me get over your loss sooner. Yeah emm...well guess what...I was wrong' she said and then chuckled 'I know...I don't always admit that I am wrong, well because most of the time I'm not' she laughed imagining the look he would give her if she was still alive 'I came here because I'm worried about Eric. He has taken your loss so bad, he's lashing out at everyone, he's angry all the time and now this new guy is around and well I guess you can imagine how good that's going. I keep finding myself in the middle, trying to stop a fight before it starts. He's so angry lately, I'm afraid he is going to end up in trouble sooner or later. Since you've been gone, all he does is go out, have sex with every woman in town, comes in late, and I just don't know how to get him out of all this trouble I'm seeing him getting into' Calleigh went on. She was down balancing her, with her elbows resting on her knees, when a cough almost made her loose her balance.

She jumped up and turned around to find Eric standing behind her, already dressed for work, hands in his pocket with his brown eyes warming up.

'Hey...' she said as she swallowed hard before looking away 'How long have you been standing here?' she asked him.

'Long enough' he whispered.

'I see...' she said, still looking everywhere else but in his eyes.

'I'm sorry I interrupted...I had no idea how long you have been here' Eric told her.

'It's fine' Calleigh replied finally looking in his eyes 'So...usual visit?' she asked.

'Yeah...I can't seem to skip it. I know that eventually everyone does...everyone skips visiting the dead...' Eric started telling her.

'And that doesn't mean that you have stopped missing him if you do' Calleigh told him.

'I know...but I just...can't seem to bring myself to do it' Eric replied with a shrug 'Maybe it is just too soon to do it...although you have managed it' Eric told her.

'You and I are different characters Eric...we tackle each situation differently' she told him 'Doesn't mean I am in the right and you're in the wrong or vice versa. It is just the way we handle things' she told him.

'Yeah I guess...' Eric replied 'So what made you come here today?' he asked her.

'Last night's conversation I guess' she admitted 'I was encouraging you to face your anger about Speed's death, when I haven't done it myself' she admitted.

'But you don't lash out at people' Eric told her and Calleigh raised her eyebrows.

'I lashed at you not long after his death remember? When I accused you of undermining me when Middle Brooke walked in the lab. I never snapped at you that way, I never got upset with you like that...' she told him.

'Was that because of Speedle's death?' he asked her. He could remember the incident very clearly. She had been so upset with him, it confused him. She never reacted that way when it comes to him. He was only trying to protect her. He knew that she could probably handle it, but Speed had just died and this man was giving her an attitude, he was giving her this look that Eric didn't like, so he just got up from his chair and went to back her up, only Calleigh got upset with him after the accused left the building.

'Yeah I guess. I was still upset. I hadn't really gotten up on the right side of the bed that day. Speed had just been buried the day before' she told him with a shrug.

'Yeah well I guess you're allowed to have a bad day eh' Eric replied with a smile. That was when his phone rang and Eric answered as he realized Horatio was calling.

'H what's up?' he asked.

'I need you all to come to the lab as we have to go through some evidence from an old case' Horatio told him.

'Alright H. Calleigh is with me. We're on our way' Eric told him before he hung up.

'What's up?' Calleigh asked him.

'Apparently we need to go through some evidence from an old case again' Eric replied 'H needs us at the lab' he told her.

'Alright' she replied before she turned her attention back to the stone 'I guess we'll have to continue our chat some other time' Calleigh told Speed before she looked at Eric, who was smiling at her sympathetically.

'Shall we go?' she asked and Eric nodded.

Not long after, Calleigh and Eric were getting out of the elevator together, heading straight to Horatio's office. He had told them to meet him there as he needed to explain what he needed from them and why this case was getting re-opened. Ryan was already there and they could see Tripp on his way as well, so it only left Horatio to join them.

'Anyone knows what this is about?' Tripp asked in his rough voice.

'The only thing I know is that an old case is getting re-opened' Eric replied.

'That's right' they heard Horatio say as everyone turned to look at the Lieutenent standing behind them.

'H what's up?' Eric asked.

'Donahue case is getting re-opened as some new evidence was brought to light' Horatio explained 'I need you Calleigh and Wolfe to go through the evidence. Valera is already trying to get DNA from the letter that was received' he told them. Calleigh's eyes immediately found Eric's. She could feel his anger ready to explode next to her, his eyes on her, as he tried to control himself. She placed a hand on his and squeezed it a bit.

Horatio's phone rang and they soon realized that something has happened. It was probably a call out to a crime scene. That meant that Eric, Tripp and Horatio will be going out to start gathering evidence on this new case while Calleigh and Wolfe would stay at the lab and work on the old case, and once again, Calleigh and Eric would work on separate cases.

'Eric...we have a new crime scene to analyse. Tripp let's go' Horatio said and with that Eric got up, pushed the chair too hard with the back of his knees and practically stormed out of his office without saying a word, while Calleigh just took a deep breath and stared ahead.

'What was that all about?' Ryan asked her when the others were out of the office, as he and Calleigh made their way out of Horatio's office and to the lab to start going to the evidence.

'I don't know what you're talking about' Calleigh replied pretending not to of course.

'You know Eric is very lucky' Ryan started telling her.

'How so?' Calleigh asked, as they continued walking.

'You always have his back' Ryan told her with a confirming nod.

'I do always have his back. He's my friend' Calleigh replied.

'Yes well...even Horatio and Tripp and everyone else you have been working with for a long time now are your friends...Eric is different though' Ryan told her.

'Well what can I say...we're closer I guess' Calleigh told him and with that she picked up her pace, walking a bit ahead of him, letting him know this conversation was over.

oooOOOooo

Horatio walked into firearms where Calleigh was testing one of her guns when Horatio walked in. He stayed quiet until he knew he could talk. He didn't want to startle her when she was shooting, so when she put the gun down, Horatio stepped closer.

'Ma'am' he said.

'Horatio hi' she said with a smile 'How's the new case coming?' she asked him.

'Still waiting for a lot of results, but we already interrogated a couple of people, but that is not why I am here' Horatio told her.

'No? Then what is it?' she asked, having the feeling she knew what was coming.

'What's up with Eric?' Horatio asked her.

'Why does everyone ask me what's wrong with Eric?' she asked as she rolled her eyes.

'Because I know he talks to you' Horatio replied 'Why did he storm out like that earlier?' he asked her.

'Not sure' she lied 'Why don't you let me talk to him?' she asked with a smile.

'Of course' Horatio agreed and with that he walked out of firearms.

Calleigh sighed heavily and let herself lean against the desk. She knew exactly why he had reacted that way. He wanted to work with her, work cases together. She was the only one left now that Speedle was gone, and the more he wanted to work with her, the more they were working separately, unless a shooting was involved and they would need her expertise. She decided it would be best to go and look for him and talk to him about earlier, so she put the evidence away and made her way out of firearms.

It didn't take long to find him. He was in the DNA lab testing some finger prints that he must her pulled up from the crime scene.

'Heyy' she said as she walked in.

'Hey' he replied as he glanced her way. She could see he was still upset. He was trying to focus too hard in the scope as he examined another piece of evidence.

'Can we talk?' she asked, not hiding behind the bush.

'What do you want to talk about?' he asked her still not looking up.

'About how you reacted earlier' she told him.

'What about it?' he asked.

'Oh come on Eric. Everyone is coming to me asking me what's wrong with you' Calleigh told him.

'Yes well you know what's wrong. There is nothing to talk about' Eric told her.

'Yes there is, because you can't react this way every time Horatio sends you out with someone else instead of me' she told him, practically pleading with him.

'Well you know what...you would maybe understand if you wanted to work with me instead of Wolfe all the time' Eric replied sourly. Calleigh gasped a little bit at that hurtful remark. How could he think that she doesn't want to work with him?

'Eric' she said as she stepped closer to him 'It doesn't mean that because I am not reacting in the same way you are, then I don't miss working with you or miss you altogether' Calleigh told him as she placed her hand on his arm.

'It doesn't feel that way sometimes' he replied softly 'It feels like I am on my own' he told her.

'But you're not' she told him.

'I'm on my own when I go home, I'm on my own when I go out...I'm always on my own' he told her with a shrug. His eyes were broken and Calleigh felt so helpless. She hated seeing him this way. She knew that all of this was because of Speedle, and now that Speedle was gone, he needed her more than ever. But how was she supposed to be there for him the way he needed her to be, without over stepping boundaries?

'Well you know we can always go out...hang out you know' Calleigh suggested.

'I don't want to bother you Cal' he told her.

'You're not bothering me Eric. I want to help you. I want to be there for you' she told him and Eric smiled at her 'So...where do you want to go? What do you want to do tonight?' she asked him.

'How about a ride under the stars?' Eric asked her and Calleigh smiled.

'Really?' she asked.

'Yeah...you know somewhere where we can watch over the city, enjoy the city lights, music in the background, ocean shimmering in the moonlight...' Eric went on.

'OK I get the picture' she told him with a chuckle 'Then we have a date' she replied with a smile before she turned on her heels and walked out of the DNA lab.

oooOOOooo

It was later that same day, when Eric picked Calleigh up and they drove all the way to a particular point where Eric loved to spend some quiet time. They could see the city, all buildings lit up in different colors, as the lights reflected down on the water separating them from the rest of the city. They were sitting on the front of the hummer with a beer in their hands and a pizza to share.

'This was an excellent idea' she told him.

'You like it?' he asked.

'Yeah...I've never been here before' she admitted.

'Seriously?' he asked surprised.

'Yeah...' Calleigh whispered.

'I love coming here. When I feel like the city is being too much for me, this is where I come' he told her.

'Well I can see why' she told him with a smile and Eric smiled back at her.

'Thank you for doing this Calleigh' he told her.

'Hey it's not like I'm doing such a big sacrifice. You know I love spending time with you' she told him.

'But maybe you had other plans' Eric replied.

'Nothing is more important than you right now' she told him.

'Thanks Calleigh...that means so much to me' he told her.

'I know' she whispered 'You mean a lot to me Eric...you know that right?' she asked him.

'I'm sorry about what I said earlier today' he told her 'I was upset but I shouldn't have taken my frustration out on you' he apologized.

'It's fine Eric really' Calleigh told him.

'It's not fine Cal...I shouldn't treat you that way no matter how bad my day is' Eric told her as he took another slice of pizza.

'Eric...you don't treat me badly, do you understand?' she asked him.

Eric exhaled heavily and then dropped the slice of pizza in his box 'I am so fed up of acting the way. I'm fed up with this mood and all the whining...' he started telling her 'I know I have to put myself together but I can't seem to get the motivation to do it' he told her.

'Do you think Speed would want to see you like this?' she asked him.

'No I'm sure he wouldn't' Eric replied.

'Then do it for him. I'm not saying that it is easy because it is not, I know that...but we can do it together. We can get through this together Eric' she told him.

'I don't know what I would do without you' he replied.

'I don't know what I would do without you' she replied.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:**

It was about two days later when Eric walked into the kitchen at work to find Calleigh throwing her phone on the couch. It wasn't very often that Calleigh was in a bad mood. Someone must have really pissed her off for her to throw her phone like that.

'What has he done to you?' Eric asked her amused, as he walked inside towards her.

'Oh hey...' Calleigh said acknowledging his presence.

'So what's up?' he asked her as he opened the refrigerator and took his lunch box out along with a can of coke.

'It's nothing' she replied as she sat in front of him with a sigh.

'Very convincing Calleigh' Eric told her 'No one slams their phone like that for fun' he told her 'Especially not you'.

'It's Hagen' she said running a hand through her hair frustrated.

'Again?' he asked her with a snort.

Calleigh took a deep long breath and sighed 'He keeps phoning me' she said.

'It seems like he hasn't gotten the message?' Eric told her.

'Not really no. I know that he hasn't given up on us I mean it is obvious, and I don't want to encourage him by answering his phone calls especially after the way he acted last time he was here' she explained.

'Oh that...' Eric said, as he recalled what happened last time.

 _'I can make it my business' Hagen said._

 _'Walk away John' Calleigh told him staring straight in his eyes._

 _'You're sleeping with him?' he asked her._

 _'This conversation is over' Calleigh told him as she moved to walk away but Hagen grabbed her arm and Calleigh met his eyes again._

 _'What if I don't want it to be over?' he asked her._

 _'Then you better remember what I do for a living' Calleigh told him._

 _'Calleigh' he whispered but she was so angry for what he said that she didn't even blink. Hagen sighed and walked away after that but what he didn't know was that Eric had seen the whole damn thing...or almost._

 _He watched Calleigh make her way to the evidence lab, so Eric walked after her to check on her. She was resting her hands against the desk with her head down._

 _'Hey are you alright?' Eric asked her._

 _'Eric...yeah I'm fine' she lied._

 _'Calleigh I saw what happened with Hagen' he told her. They were alone, so they could talk. 'What was that all about?' he asked her worriedly._

 _'He's practically accusing me of sleeping with Peter' she explained._

 _'The Feds agent?' Eric asked to clarify who they were talking about exactly._

 _'Yeah' she replied 'And for the record, I'm not' she assured him._

 _'You don't have to explain yourself to me. You're a grown, independent woman...well not that I approve of either them but hey...' Eric told her, and Calleigh couldn't help but smile._

 _'You never approve of any of the guys I date' she told him._

 _'Oh like you approve of every girl I date?' he teased._

 _'Eric, I can't keep up with all the girls you date' she teased back. He just had a way of lifting her spirits, and Calleigh was just grateful that she had such a friend in her life._

'So how many girls were there since that day?' Calleigh asked him with an amused smile on her face.

'I have no idea' Eric chuckled.

'It's not funny you know' she told him.

'Well I am irresistable what can I say?' he teased and Calleigh laughed while she shook her head.

'You're hopeless' she told him.

Satisfied that at least he has managed to put a smile on her face, he changed the subject back on Hagen 'I think you need to stay away from him. From what I heard he is not mentally stable Calleigh, that's why he was conveniently out with an injury on duty' Eric told her.

'Yeah I heard that' she whispered upset 'I hope I am not the cause of it' she told him.

'Calleigh...you're not' Eric told her, making sure to look straight in her eyes 'He hasn't gotten over with what happened to Ray' Eric told her.

'Yeah, well it looks like he hasn't gotten over me either unfortunately' Calleigh replied frustrated 'I don't get it you know. It's not like we had been together for years' she told him.

'Well...I'm sure no guy wants to loose a woman like you Calleigh' Eric told her and Calleigh smiled at that.

'Thank you Eric...that's so sweet' she told him with a smile.

'I'm serious though Cal...keep your distance from him. Someone who has been certified as mentally unstable can get rough and as good as you are, he is too big for you to take down' Eric told her concerned.

'Don't worry Eric, I'm not going anywhere near John Hagen' she told him.

'Good' Eric said with a nod.

oooOOOooo

Two days later a call was received about an explosion which killed three people in a warehouse, where a spontaneous party was being held, and after Horatio, Wolfe and detective Hagen had inspected the area, Horatio realized that there was a missing knife, so he sent Calleigh and Eric to look for it and take a better look.

'I will check outside and you take the warehouse from the inside' Eric told her.

'Yep' she replied as they jumped out of the hummer.

'Sometimes I wonder how many different cases we still need to solve' she told him.

'Yeah a new one, different from the rest we handled keeps coming up, don't they?' Eric said.

'Alright I'm going inside' she told him, and with that she opened the door and started checking the floor, with her torch on, in hope she would spot the missing knife buried under the dust.

'Well well well, what do we have here?' she whispered to no one in particular as she crouched down to have a better look, when all of a sudden she felt a gun against the back of her head and Calleigh closed her eyes, as she heard the safety lock being removed, thinking that was it for her.

So many thoughts ran through her head in a split of a second as she waited for the bullet to blow her head off but instead she heard steps running away and her eyes flew open. She quickly turned around and pulled her gun out in front of her and ran out into the direction the steps ran but when she opened the door she came face to face with Eric.

'Wow Calleigh it's me' Eric told her with his hands up in the air.

'You wouldn't put a gun to my head would you?' she asked him.

'What?' he asked confused as he watched her move past him to check for any possible threat 'Calleigh what's going on?' he asked her.

After she made sure that there was no one else around, she put her gun back in its pocket and walked over towards Eric 'Someone just put a gun to my head' she confessed.

'What? Are you alright?' he asked her.

'Yeah I'm fine' she replied but Eric could see that she was shaken up by it. Someone could have killed her and he wouldn't have been able to stop the bastard.

'OK' he said knowing that she was not going to talk anymore about it 'I found the knife, so I guess we can go' he told her.

Without saying anything else, she walked back to the hummer while Eric followed silently, his mind reeling on what could have happened. He vowed to not let her out of his sight until this case was closed. They needed to figure out who was it that placed the gun against her head, and when they do, Eric was going to make sure he was sorry he ever thought about doing such a thing.

oooOOOooo

A couple of hours later after Eric had managed to lift a print from the murdering weapon and processed the fingerprint, he went to find Calleigh to check on her. He found her in the ballistics lab ready to start listening to the various sounds of different guns being cocked to try and identify who the person was that held a gun to her head.

'What are you doing?' he asked her.

'I need to listen to each gun being cocked so I can identify what kind of gun the mysterious person held to my head' she told him determined 'Will you help me?' she asked. It wasn't often that Calleigh Duquesne asked for help, and Eric was relieved that at least she turned to him for help.

'Calleigh are you sure?' he asked her. He didn't like this. He didn't like the idea of cocking each gun next to her ear. The thought almost made him shiver.

'I have to Eric. It is the only way' she told him.

'OK' he whispered so Eric started taking one gun after the other and Calleigh describe the sound after each one. Too hollow, shallow, too crisp and the list went on until Eric cocked one particular gun and Calleigh recognized the sound.

'Do it again' she told him, so Eric did 'That's it. That's the gun' she told him.

She was about to run the gun type through the database when both her and Eric got called away, delaying the search for the time being. When they got back to the lab, Calleigh wanted to go and tackle the issue, but pending urgent evidence kept her from doing so.

She was in her ballistics lab finalizing a report, when someone knocked on the door.

'Just put the evidence on my bench, I'll sign for it later' she said without looking, while she continued writing.

'Calleigh' she heard John's voice say from behind her and Calleigh immediately looked up and turned around to look at him.

'Hey John' she said with a smile, in a low soft voice, before she turned around to finish writing her sentence.

'I was hoping we could talk' he said.

'What do you need?' she asked him with a smile as she crossed her arms in front of her chest, turning around to give him full attention, knowing how sensitive he was lately.

'You're better with guns than I am' he said with a hint of a smile on his face.

'It's my job' she simply replied 'It's why I became a criminalist' she told him.

He looked down and then looked back up to look at her 'You know why I became a cop?' he told her 'To help people...be someone's hero' he told her.

'I think that's a good reason' she told him.

'Yeah...only I haven't felt like one lately' he told her, and it was obvious that he was very upset and disturbed about it.

'You've been through a lot John' Calleigh told him 'You'll bounce back' she told him honestly. She believed he would.

She watched him walk closer to her, and Calleigh started feeling uncomfortable, immediately pulling her eyes off him, as John entered her private space.

'I feel like I'll never live down being the partner of a dirty cop' he told her.

'People are gonna forget' she told him.

'I think about Ray all the time' he replied 'Every time I see Horatio...every time I come here' he went on.

'Everybody knows that you're a great detective John' she told him.

'Do you?' he asked her.

'I know how hard you work...I would really love to be friends with you John' she told him honestly, but John looked away releasing a whistle as if to take a fresh breath after that statement.

'The harshest thing a woman can say to a man' he told her.

Calleigh looked away and took a deep breath 'Look why don't I pack up the evidence and we'll go grab a cup of coffee in the break room?' she told him as she turned around to pick up her evidence and report 'I just need a minute' she told him.

She walked past Hagen with the intention to put the evidence away so they could go and have coffee together when she suddenly heard the all too familiar gun being cocked and it was like the world had suddenly stopped as she realized that it had been Hagen who put a gun to her head. She turned around not sure what to expect, when she witnessed him pulling the trigger as he held the gun to his head and then just like that he fell to the ground as the sound shook the entire building...shook her internally.

It all happened so fast, she didn't even have time to yell for him to stop and not do it or call for help. It was all too late, as John Hagen laid dead in her ballistics lab.

Colleagues ran to the lab, Alexx being one of the first to do so, only to find Calleigh shaken up staring at the dead body of her ex.

'Calleigh baby...let's get out of here' she told her but Calleigh shook her head. Alexx frowned worriedly so she stepped away for a second and pulled her phone out.

'Eric its Alexx. You need to come to the ballistics lab now' she told him.

'What happened?' Eric asked frantically having heard the gun being fired from a far, as he started running towards the ballistics lab just like Alexx had requested 'Is Calleigh alright? Is she hurt?' he asked.

'No baby it's not her. It's Hagen' she told him and with that she hung up and called for her people to get a gurney down there so they could get Hagen out of here.

Calleigh was still standing there, looking as pale as ever, as she tried to find support from the wall she leaned against. Her eyes glued on the dead body of John Hagen, while her head spun in every direction.

Why? Why did he kill himself? Why did he hold a gun to her head? Is it because she broke his heart? Why?

Why was the only word she could hear in her head, and when Eric arrived in a matter of minutes, he found chaos in the lab.

'Alexx, what happened? Where is she?' he asked in a panic.

'She's over there. She won't talk to anyone Eric' Alexx told him 'You're the only one that can get through to her. You need to get her out of here' she told him.

Eric nodded and made his way towards Calleigh as he leaned his back against the wall next to her 'Calleigh...I'm really sorry this happened to you' Eric told her as she nodded. 'Why don't we go grab a cup of coffee or something' he told her and Calleigh laughed sarcastically.

'Funny...that was the last thing I said to him' she confessed.

He wanted to kick himself, but how could he have known what they had said. He wanted to know what happened but maybe now was not the right time to do so. He knows that she doesn't open up that easily, and probably her walls were climbing up higher as they spoke.

Her eyes were watching them lifting the dead body on the gurney. Alexx wanted to wait until Calleigh leaves so she wouldn't have to push Hagen from in front of her, but Eric signaled to her that she was not going to move from there, so Alexx had no choice but to push Hagen to take him to the morgue when Calleigh stopped her.

'Calleigh honey...' Alexx started telling her.

'There is something in his pocket' she said with a shaken voice.

Eric pulled the paper from Hagen's pocket and signaled for Alexx to move on 'It is the missing piece of evidence that completes the void' she whispered 'John must have taken it' she said still not blinking, still staring ahead 'He must have thought I had seen him...that's why he held a gun to my head' she whispered.

'Wait what?' Eric asked as he looked at her in disbelief.

Calleigh slowly lifted her eyes to look at him 'It was him. Hagen held the gun to my head' she confessed 'I recognized the sound as he cocked his gun before he shot himself' she explained to him softly.

Eric was speechless. He wanted to yell and scream and send the bastard to hell now that he was dead, but he couldn't do that in front of her. It was not what she needed right now.

'Why don't you get your bag and I take you home?' Eric asked her.

'I can't leave. I have work to do' she replied as if her words were computerized. It was like she was on autopilot 'I have to get back in there. I have twelve pending cases' she told him.

'Calleigh it can wait, or someone else can do it' Eric told her when his phone rang 'H?' he said 'Alright I'll meet you outside' he said regretfully. He really didn't want to leave her alone but duty calls. It was an emergency.

'Go' she whispered 'I'll be alright' she told him.

'Calleigh' he said not really believing her. He knew she wasn't alright. She was not going to be alright for a long time and he knew that. Without saying anything else, he walked away to meet Horatio. He swore that after he deals with the current situation, he was going to come back and take Calleigh home after he makes a stop to the morgue.

It was about an hour and a half later that Eric was finally back at the station on his way to check on Calleigh when he realized her name was off the ballistics roster.

'Calleigh what have you done?' he whispered.

He practically ran down to the morgue furious, ready to face the dead. He opened the stainless steel door and pulled dead Hagen out thanking the Lord that Alexx wasn't around.

'How could you do this to her?' he asked him as if he was going to answer back 'First you hold a gun to her head and then you shoot yourself in her lab? You know it's her world there...wasn't it enough to put a gun to her head, you had to shatter her world as well? Whatever did she ever see in you' he said 'You disgust me. At least now you can't hurt her any longer. When she finally puts this behind her, you'll be long gone. May you rot in hell you sick son of bitch' Eric told him. He could have spit on him when Alexx called out his name, having heard the whole thing.

'What?' Eric said without turning to face her. He was furious for what Hagen just did. He was pressing his teeth together trying to find some control within but it was getting very hard to do so.

'Hagen was the one who did that to her?' she asked him and Eric nodded.

'I'm sorry Alexx...I can't be sorry for him. He could have killed her today...She just resigned' he told her 'Her name is off the roster' he informed her.

'Oh my God...poor baby' she said.

'I should go' Eric told her.

'Take care of her Eric. She needs you' Alexx told him knowing that he was going to look for her.

'I will' he replied and with that he stormed out of the morgue.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Thank you to all those who have already tried to read this chapter. There was some sort of error but hopefully now this chapter should be readable**_ __ _ **Apologies for the long wait in updating but between having a baby and lack of muse for writing, I couldn't do much really. Hopefully my muse for writing is here to stay so I can continue posting updates**_ __ _ **Enjoy**_ __ __ __

 **Chapter 4:**

Eric wanted to go straight to Calleigh but he figured she would need him to stay over, and truth be told, he wanted her to need him like that...he wanted to spend the night over. He knew she wouldn't do anything stupid, that was not what he was scared of, but he knew that she would be having nightmares and she was going to need him. They kind of had this silent agreement between the two of them, that when something bad happens to either one of them, the other one spends the night over, so Eric stopped by his house first.

He needed to grab a few things to take with him, and at the meantime, he could use that time to try and cool down. He was still furious with Hagen. He knew that he was unstable, and he could understand, that when someone is mentally unstable, they won't think twice about taking their own life, but what he couldn't understand was, how he could kill himself in Calleigh's lab...in front of her.

How could he do that? How is it possible that he couldn't have known how bad this was going to affect her? Was it because she had ended it with him? Was it some sort of revenge? Did he think that she was that tough that she wouldn't care what happens to him? If that is the case, then he deserved to be dumped by her, because he certainly didn't know her at all.

It didn't matter for how long she dated someone, Calleigh would always care and go out of her way to help the guy if he needed her.

And then there was another possibility...He could have asked to get transferred to somewhere where no one knew about Ray and them being partners, to somewhere where he wouldn't see Calleigh...to somewhere where he wouldn't face what was troubling him and start over.

'Damn you Hagen' Eric swore as he slammed his fist onto the wooden piece of furniture in front of him.

He really couldn't care less at this point about him, whether he was talking about a dead guy or not. That dead guy just rocked Calleigh's world, just made her quit the job she has worked so hard for and the job she loves so much.

'It's temporary' he told himself 'She will come back' he said as if trying to assure himself.

She had to come back. He couldn't imagine going to work without her being there...not after loosing Speed earlier this year. Maybe it was selfish of him, but he needed her there, at the lab, every single day, and he knew that Calleigh needed to be there. This will pass. It was just a hurdle...a rough patch that she needed to overcome. He knew one thing though, after she manages to put all of this behind her, Calleigh was going to be even tougher and stronger, and that wall that she has around her heart was going to get even more impossible to bring down.

He made his way to the bedroom, grabbed his gym bag, and started putting some clothes in it and other stuff that he was going to need. He wasn't just going for the night but for a couple of nights for sure. She was too shaken up to be back home after just one night.

He made sure he had everything with him and turned off any appliances that didn't need to remain switched on for days where Eric wasn't going to use them. The weather in Miami was too hot to leave unnecessary appliances switched on. Being part of the police department, he knew too well how easy it was for a house to catch fire, so he always played it safe.

He grabbed the bag, keys and wallet along with his badge and gun and made his way out to the car and on his way to Calleigh, and all the while, as he drove, Eric tried to prepare himself for the state he was going to find her in. He didn't text her or any of that, but he knew that she knew that he was on his way to her. They always did know this stuff about each other. They had a certain connection between them that didn't exist with anyone else. They always knew when the other one was in danger. It was like a sixth sense. Earlier when Alexx called him to ask him to come down to the ballistics lab, he had already been on his way to her. He was going to trace when he got this weird feeling, the weird feeling he only gets when it involves Calleigh, so he turned around and started making his way to her and that was when Alexx called.

It didn't take long for Eric to arrive, and as he grabbed the bag from the trunk and locked the hummer, he only prayed the situation wasn't so bad. He took out his keys and opened the door to her apartment.

'Calleigh it's me' he called out just so she would know and not startle her. It was the last thing he wanted to do.

He placed the bag down in the entry and turned on the lights to the corridor. She was in the dark and that told him that she wasn't in a very good state. He already knew where she was.

He found her lying on her side on her bed, curtains closed, as if shutting the outside world away from the comfort of her bedroom. She was still in her work clothes and Eric knew that was the first thing that he needed her to do. She needed to get out of those clothes. He hadn't noticed any blood spray on her at the lab, but he wanted to be sure that she didn't have any blood on her, and he knew that she needed to have a bath. One of those relaxing baths she always craved for after a very long and tiring day at work. That was definitely the best way to start...that and then her stomach. She needed to eat. He was more than one hundred percent sure that she was not going to get up and eat something as if nothing happened, so he needed to prepare something for her. Not a full meal but something just for her to have a bite. At least a good sandwich, then he can prepare a full meal tomorrow morning.

'Calleigh' he whispered as he walked closer towards her and sat down on the edge of her bed.

She didn't even look up at him or move a little bit so he could sit properly. She just remained as she was, the only action being when Eric ran his hand through her hair and watched her close her eyes as he did. Tears still remained intact though. Calleigh definitely wasn't a crier. She didn't even cry when Speed died even though her eyes had turned red, and as much as he knew how tough she is, Eric still couldn't understand how she managed to hold back her tears in such a moment. Her world had been rocked pretty bad, as much as his was, or almost, so Eric knew full well how she must have been feeling. It only told him though, that she was keeping it all in, which was even worse.

'I'm gonna go and fill in the tub for you alright' he told her softly.

He wasn't expecting an answer...nothing. In fact, she didn't even look at him, but he knew she could hear him. He knew that she was cautious of everything that he was saying and doing, and he knew that she was also grateful that he was there. He was just what she needed. They always needed each other especially in such tough moments. Eric always appreciated her, and ever since Speedle died, Eric appreciated even more each minute he spent with her and that was why he asked Horatio for at least two days off so he could be with her and take care of her. She was in no state to be left alone. It took a little convincing seeing as their team was short on CSIs, but after Eric informed him that she had removed her name from the roaster, Horatio agreed to give him two days off unless something really bad happened and they needed everyone on scene. It wasn't exactly what he wanted but he agreed.

It was about an hour later, when Eric heard the bathroom door open and as he peaked from the kitchen he saw Calleigh stepping out of the bathroom in her towel material white robe, wet hair resting on her left shoulder.

'Thanks Eric' she whispered. It was the first thing she said to him since he has been there.

'You're welcome Cal' Eric replied 'Here...I prepared a sandwich for you and a glass of water' he told her as he placed the plate and glass in front of her.

'Thanks Eric...but I'm not really hungry' she replied apologetically.

'I know but you need to eat something Cal. You'll end up with a big headache if you don't and that is the last thing you need' he told her, hoping to convince her.

'OK' she whispered.

She really wasn't hungry but she knew that everything Eric said was right. The last thing she wanted was a headache, worse than she already had. She could still hear the sound of the gun in her head, the clicking of the safety valve of the rugger from earlier that morning and then the loud bang as John ended his life.

Eric watched her wince and realized that she must be hearing the gun going off 'It will pass' he told her.

'I know...and I know it is too early to stop hearing it in my head, to stop seeing him falling down on the floor lifeless but I really wish I can push those memories away. It is all I can see and hear' she admitted.

'It will get better eventually Cal' he told her as he placed his hand on hers.

Silence fell between them after that and even though Eric wanted to distract her from her thoughts, he also knew that everyone process situations differently, and he knew that Calleigh also needed her space.

It wasn't long after that she excused herself and made her way to her bedroom. He really didn't want to leave her alone but at the same time, he didn't want to hover. It was getting quite late anyway, and Eric hoped she would try to get some sleep, although he was pretty sure that she was going to have some bad nightmares and that was when she was going to need him the most and Eric was going to be there for her.

oooOOOooo

It was almost one in the morning when the sound of Calleigh screaming tore through his dreams and Eric almost fell off the couch as he quickly pushed the blanket away and ran into her bedroom. She was up in a sitting position, her face buried in her hands as she tried to cradle herself to calm herself down.

'Hey hey I'm here' Eric told her as he practically jumped on the bed and pulled her in his arms, one hand cupping the back of her head while with the other one he rubbed her back 'I'm here Cal...I'm here' he told her repeatedly.

He could feel her grabbing his t-shirt as she pushed her face in his chest 'I keep hearing the gun going off' she whispered 'It's all my fault' she told him 'All my fault' she repeated.

'No it is not Cal. It is not your fault' Eric told her sharply 'None of this is your fault' he told her again.

'But it is. If I didn't leave him or get involved with him none of this would have happened' she started telling him.

'You're wrong Cal, you're wrong' he repeated 'Hagen's death is not your fault nor was his depression and deep down you know that' Eric told her 'You know he never got over Ray's death' he told her.

'But maybe I could have helped him, instead I missed his calls on purpose' she explained.

'For good reason. You two were no longer together. You needed that to get through his head' Eric explained. Eric could see that there was no use trying to explain all of this tonight 'Listen Cal...why don't you try and get some sleep. We'll talk about this in the morning' he told her.

She nodded and laid back down while Eric tucked her in before he stepped out of the room and went back to his couch. He laid on his back, staring up at the ceiling, one arm resting on his forehead, as his mind wondered off to the day's events. He couldn't stop nor could he control his thoughts. He was still angry at Hagen for hurting Calleigh in this way. She was still trying to overcome the loss of their dear friend and colleague Speedle, and now this. It wasn't bad enough that he had to commit a suicide but he had to do it in front of her and in her own lab. The lab was her home, her safe place and Hagen had blown that all away now. How was she supposed to work in there after what Hagen did? Surely she was not going to be able to work there any time soon, if she ever goes back to work that is.

Eric had no idea for how long his thoughts prevented him from falling asleep, but when he finally almost did Calleigh's screams woke him wide awake again, and so they did the time after that, and the time after that until finally Calleigh wouldn't let him go.

'No...stay here...please' she practically begged him.

'You want me to stay here? In your bedroom?' he asked her surprised.

'I want you to hold me...maybe I finally manage to sleep. Maybe he won't haunt my dreams for the rest of the night if I'm in your arms' she told him. She wanted him to protect her from all the nightmares she was having. In all the years they had known each other, this was the first time that Calleigh was actually letting herself be so vulnerable and practically beg for someone to help her.

'Alright...if that is what you want' Eric replied.

Calleigh shifted so Eric could climb into bed and as he slipped under the sheets, Calleigh rested her head on his shoulder and wrapped one arm across his chest. She felt him pull her into him and instinctively she closed her eyes, feeling safe for the first time since she felt the gun against the back of her head.

As if knowing what she was thinking, she heard him whisper 'You're safe Cal, I'm here' he told her as he kissed the top of her head.

Eric kept rubbing her head, pressing soft kisses against the top of her head until she finally fell asleep. He looked down at her form and pressed her a little bit against his body, giving her a tighter squeeze 'I'll always keep you safe Cal...always' and with that Eric finally managed to close his eyes and sleep for the rest of the night.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5:**

When Eric had finally opened his eyes the next morning, Calleigh was still fast asleep somehow. Maybe having Eric hold her for the rest of the night had really helped her. She hadn't woken up screaming again after Eric had slipped in next to her, and Calleigh hadn't left him for a second. She was holding onto him for dear life even in her sleep. Her head was still resting on his shoulder, her arm was spread across his chest, her chest pressed against his side and one leg was resting on top of his. There was absolutely no chance for Eric to get away from her, not that he wanted to anyway.

It took him a moment to let this sight sink in. He was in Calleigh's bed. Never in a million years had he thought this day would come even though nothing had happened, and he certainly didn't want his first time in her bed to be under these circumstances, but nevertheless, he was in Calleigh's bed, holding her. They had literally slept together, and Eric knew that he so could get used to this.

He had always had a thing for her, ever since that first day he saw her in the garage when she had gone to collect the car from him. He had teased her, and flirted with her, and that smile, the way it filled her face, the way her green eyes lit up, Eric knew he wanted to see that smile everyday for the rest of his life, and even though she had joked about never dating a colleague, which rule she clearly ignores nowadays, and thus part of the reason she is in the state that she is in today, Eric never gave up, even if he hadn't thought about that recently. They had become really good friends, and there was something about that fact that was so special, that Eric never wanted to loose, that he was almost scared of ruining things if they ever got involved, but at the same time, that was probably why he never approved of the guys she dated, and he certainly hadn't approved of John Hagen. There was something about the guy that he had never liked at all. He knew the guy was unstable, and Calleigh had had a rough past already, the last thing she needed was a man who was mentally unstable. He had been so relieved when she had dumped him after he had told her that Hagen had asked him to ignore some evidence. She had taken it so bad, that she dumped him immediately. Eric had to admit that from that day onwards, Hagen had started to slip again. He started calling in sick, then he conveniently went out with an injury on duty which he never thought was real, and the list goes on.

He heard Calleigh moan just a little bit as she snuggled further into his arms, and a strand of blonde hair covered her face. Instinctively, Eric pushed her hair behind her ear, exposing again her face. God she looked beautiful and so at peace in her sleep. He really didn't want to wake her up. Whatever she was dreaming about had to be something wonderful as he watched her smile in her sleep, and deep deep down, Eric wished that she was dreaming about him.

Eric realized that the more he watched her sleep, the more he was opening his heart to unnecessary heart ache. She was in no position to start a relationship and nor was he. If he had to be completely honest with himself, he wasn't good for her at the moment. He had his own baggage, his own problems, and Calleigh needed stability, someone who could be there for her, someone who had his life figured out not someone who was still trying to come into terms of losing his best friend and colleague.

Just then he realized that today, was probably going to be the first day since Tim died, that Eric was going to skip visiting him. As much as he hated doing that, he didn't want to leave Calleigh alone and he knew that Tim wouldn't want him to either.

'I need to get out of here' he whispered to himself. Cautiously and very carefully, somehow Eric managed to slip out of bed without waking the sleeping beauty up. Getting one last good look at her, he made sure she was alright and stepped out of the room.

oooOOOooo

Calleigh's eyes fluttered open to find an empty bed. The space Eric had occupied for the last couple of hours during the night was now vacant, but from the smell that was filling the bedroom air, Calleigh could tell where he was. He was definitely cooking breakfast for the two of them, and as much as she didn't feel like eating, she loved Eric's food. This was not the first time he was cooking for her.

Her eyes settled at the empty space in her bed, and Calleigh realized she had this strange feeling. Secretly, she seemed to have wanted Eric to be there when she woke up, even if she was very grateful for him cooking breakfast for her. It had felt so good to sleep in his arms. His scent, the soft yet strong tones of his body, the security he gave her, and the way he had made her feel protected like nothing could hurt her, made her feel safe and Calleigh found it strange how she really longed for that.

She blamed it all on the recent events that happened less than twenty-four hours ago. There was nothing to read into it. It was all due to everything that has happened.

Hagen's death was still so raw. She shivered at the thought of him, and of course thinking about him, made that vision of him lying lifeless in her lab pop up.

'I need to get out of here' she told herself.

Grabbing her robe, she put it on and made her way out into the kitchen where Eric was plating his pancakes and spreading maple syrup on top of them.

'Hey' he whispered as he caught sight of her. He wanted to ask her how she was feeling but from the expression on her face, he could tell that she had already seen Hagen dead since she woke up.

'Hey...thanks for holding me to sleep last night' she told him.

'My pleasure Cal' he told her 'Coffee or do you prefer some juice?' he asked her.

'Coffee please' she replied.

He had already boiled the water just in case, so preparing a cup of coffee for her was no big deal.

'Thank you Eric' she told him as he placed the mug in front of her 'You really didn't have to do any of this' she assured him.

'I know, but I wanted to and besides we do have to eat something' he replied. She wasn't really eating, more like playing with her food, and that didn't go unnoticed by Eric.

'Cal...I know you don't feel like eating, but at least have some. It will hold you for a while' he told her.

'I know I'm sorry. It is really rude of me after all the trouble you went through to prepare breakfast for me' she apologized.

'It was no trouble at all. You know I love to cook. I'm just concerned about you, that's all' Eric replied.

Calleigh didn't say anything to that. She knew he was worried about her, and she knew he wanted to talk about how she was feeling and about everything that happened, but she really didn't feel like talking at the moment.

They had finished eating breakfast when Calleigh remembered something, and as much as she didn't feel like talking, she knew this was important to Eric.

'Have you visited Speedle already?' she asked him, knowing full well he hadn't. There was no way that he was going to step out without informing her. He was staying with her to be there for her, to take care of her even though she hated being taken care of, and so Calleigh knew that Eric hadn't gone to visit Speedle, and something told her, that he was even thinking about skipping it for the first time since his death, and as much as maybe that was good for him to do, she knew Eric wasn't ready to do so.

'No' he replied shortly.

'You should go then' Calleigh told him.

'Actually I was thinking of skipping it today' he admitted.

'I knew it' she admitted. She walked over to him and placed a hand on his arm 'Don't Eric...not on my account. Go...I will be fine' she assured him.

'I know you will...I just don't feel right leaving you on your own' he told her.

'And I know that you are not prepared on skipping the visits to Speedle's grave' she replied 'Go really...I will be fine' she told him.

'Alright...I won't be long then' he replied.

oooOOOooo

Eric had no idea how long he had been there, sitting down on the soft grass staring at Speedle's name engraved on the stone. There were so many things he wanted to tell him, and yet he had no idea from where to start.

'I was thinking of skipping it today' he started 'Not because I didn't want to come but because Calleigh needs me at the moment' he continued 'You see...something happened yesterday, something horrible...Hagen committed suicide. He killed himself in Calleigh's lab. She saw him pulling the trigger. You can imagine the state she is in' Eric went on.

'I am so bloody angry at him for what he did. I am so angry I can't even find it within me to feel sad about his loss. I know what you would say right now... _"That's because you never liked the guy because he was with Calleigh"_ and no that is not the reason. Sure it is no secret that I never liked him, and I never understood what she saw in him, but I can't feel sad about his tragic death because he killed himself in front of Calleigh...in her lab for heaven's sake. How? Why would he do such a thing? I am so angry at him right now, if he was alive, I would kill him myself...oh and I almost forgot...he tried to kill Calleigh earlier yesterday. It wasn't bad enough he put her through the trauma of having a gun placed against her head, no he had to go on and kill himself in front of her' Eric went on 'Damn it...Damn you Hagen' Eric cursed.

He tried to calm down, knowing that getting agitated was not going to help Calleigh when he goes back to her but at the same time he needed to get rid of all the anger he was feeling. He had to for Calleigh's sake as well as him. She needed a true friend, someone who wasn't biased but someone with an open mind who would truly tell her everything she needs to hear. But how? How was he going to manage to get rid of all this anger he was feeling?

'How I wish you were here. I could really use your advise right now' he told him 'I am trying you know. I am trying to keep an open mind. The last thing I want is to make things harder for Calleigh. I just wish I could take her pain away, erase the horrid memory Hagen inflicted upon her' Eric told him.

'Maybe I need to loose some steam...hit the gym or go for a run. That should help me clear my mind, and maybe Calleigh can also join me. That should help her out as well' Eric said 'I gotta go man...I will stop by again tomorrow' Eric told him and with that he got up and made his way back to the car.

oooOOOooo

The plan to go for a run together or hit the gym had been a bust and maybe for the best. Calleigh had gone for a run while Eric went to visit Speedle's grave, so Eric had to go for his daily jog on his own. He didn't want to push her nor invade her privacy, so he just informed her that he was going for a run and that was it. He knew that if she really wanted to go with him, she would have said so, but instead she just nodded and continued reading, or pretended to read the book she was holding in her hands. Maybe it was for the best. They both needed to deal with what happened and they both had their own ways in doing so.

Both the jog and the gym had done Eric good until he received the text, he was sure Calleigh got also informing them about Hagen's funeral.

Eric had just made his way into the kitchen when Calleigh turned the kettle on 'Oh great just in time for coffee' she told him.

It was late and Calleigh needed her hot drink before heading to bed. She knew that Eric was dying to talk to her and since she had to deal with it sooner or later, she decided that maybe it was for the best to get it over with. She could tell that Eric had been troubled by what happened as well, not because Hagen was a colleague, because she could tell that they didn't really get along, but because she knew that Eric was angry with Hagen. Even though he was trying his best to hide it, Calleigh could read him like an open book, even while drowning in her sorrows.

'So...you wanna talk about the elephant in the room?' she started while pouring hot water in both mugs and stirring the mixture of coffee, sugar and water.

It took Eric by surprise. He was not expecting her to come out like that and invite him to get whatever was bothering him off his chest.

'OK...you wanna tell me exactly what happened?' he asked her.

'I will as soon as you tell me exactly what you're feeling' she told him.

'What do you mean?' he asked her a little confused by how this conversation was turning out.

'I feel like you are ready to explode...come on spit it out...tell me what you're thinking, tell me what is bothering you' she told him.

'Oh no...I am not. You are the one suffering here not me' he replied as he sat on the stool at the breakfast table 'I am the one here to help you and be there for you not the other way around' he told her.

'I know, and you would be helping me a lot if you tell me what's going on. It will ease in my point of view easier' she told him.

Eric smiled and shook his head 'You know...you have a way of always getting what you want out of me' Eric told her and Calleigh couldn't help but smile.

'Really Eric talk to me' she told him.

'Alright fine...I'm furious with Hagen. If he was still alive I would knock him dead myself' he admitted to her finally.

'Why?' she asked him.

His eyes went wide at that question 'Why? Because he almost killed you yesterday, because he shot himself in front of you...in your lab, because he made you resign from the job you love so much...that's why' Eric told her.

'Wow, you really are mad at him' she pointed out.

'Damn right I am...I am so mad at him, I can't even feel sorry for him' he admitted.

'OK...I know you're angry at him Eric, but come on the guy is dead' she told him.

'Why are you so sympathetic towards him? He just shattered your world' Eric reminded her. He was almost getting angry with her for feeling sorry for Hagen.

'Because I am at fault here' she started telling him 'He needed help and I wasn't there for him. I pushed him away, I ignored him. I dumped him because of work...' she continued.

'You dumped him because you didn't want to be with him anymore. What he did has nothing to do with you ending your relationship. It just gave you a good way out. I don't know what the hell you saw in him in the first place' Eric told her and just then he realized that he shouldn't have said that. 'I'm sorry Cal, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have said that' he apologized.

'It's alright...I always knew you didn't like him' she replied 'Not that you like any of the guys I date but anyway, I never like the girls you date, so I guess we're equal when it comes to that' she told him 'I didn't realize you were this angry though' she confessed.

'I am...and I'm sorry Cal, I should deal with my emotions so I can be there for you like I am supposed to be doing' he told her.

'You are being there for me and please do not feel sorry for the way you are feeling. You are entitled to feel anyway you like' she told him 'A guy you don't like just shattered the world of someone you care about...I guess it is understandable that you would be mad at him. I was so lost in my own world I didn't realize that this situation was affecting you this much' she told him.

'Yeah well I am the one that is supposed to take care of you so don't go round turning this the other way around Duquesne' Eric told her and at the sound of her name, Calleigh couldn't help but smile.

'Yes Sir' she replied giving him the salute and they both ended up chucking at that 'You see...you are helping me, you just made me smile' she told him and Eric smiled 'Well I guess, I'm smiling now, won't be smiling tomorrow. The worst is yet to come' she told him, as she grabbed her mug of coffee and made her way over towards the window.

'What do you mean?' he asked her, although he had a pretty good feeling he knew exactly what she meant by that.

'Tomorrow is Hagen's funeral' she started telling him.

'You're not seriously thinking about going are you?' he asked her a little bit too angrily for her liking.

'Of course I am' she replied.

'Are you serious right now? After everything that man has done to you, you feel obligated to go and say goodbye to him?' Eric asked her upset.

'Eric...I know you don't like it and maybe you cannot understand why I want to go...but I have to go. It's closure Eric and I need that' she told him as she stepped closer to him and placed her free hand on his right arm 'I know it is going to be very hard, and some people might stare at me and give me that accusatory look, but I can take that. What I can't take, is staying here while his funeral is going on' she told him.

Eric took a deep long breath and nodded, giving in to what she wanted to do, not that he had any choice in the matter 'Alright...I don't like it but...if that is what you wish, then I will be there for you every step of the way' Eric told her and with that she nodded her thanks and appreciation.


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you for all your comments. This chapter is a little short but I feel it is the right spot to stop.**

 **Chapter 6:**

Attending John's funeral was harder than she had anticipated but Calleigh didn't repent it. She knew it was the right thing to do for herself and out of respect for John himself. She knew that if she mentions that word to Eric though, he would go ballistic. She could feel his blood pumping in his veins as he stood by her, ready to protect her if she needed him to and ready to burst at the same time. He was full of anger, and Calleigh wanted to help him get past that. She knew that by helping him, she would also be helping herself. They were in this together just like everything else. They were always in it together whatever the situation was.

They had just walked into the apartment and Eric was fuming. He had stayed quiet the whole drive from the cemetery but when he came to close the door, he closed it a little too hard than necessary. She was starting to get worried about him. All this anger was not good, to him or anyone else. First it was because of Speedle's death and now because of Hagen's actions leading to his death.

'Why don't you go and take a good long shower while I prepare something to eat for the two of us?' she suggested, not that she was hungry but she knew that Eric always felt a bit better after a good bite to eat.

'I'm not hungry' he replied too quickly.

'Eric you have to calm down. Being angry all the time is not good for you or anyone else for that matter' Calleigh told him with a sigh.

'I'm sorry' he apologized 'I guess I'll go and take that shower you suggested' he told her.

Eric came out of the shower almost thirty minutes later, and Calleigh had prepared a club-sandwich filled with all the delicious goodies they liked...lettuce, shredded carrots, tomatoes, onions, ham, cheese and butter. He looked much better and smelled better too. She could already tell that the shower did him good. His facial expression had changed and as soon as he saw the sandwich he couldn't help but smile.

'And here I thought you were preparing a big delicious hamburger' he teased as he took a seat opposite her.

Calleigh gave him a look at that remark 'Well if you're a good boy, we can go out and take a delicious hamburger later tonight' she told him.

'You got yourself a deal CSI Duquesne' Eric replied and they both chuckled at that.

When all was eaten and the plates were washed, Calleigh walked over towards the living area and Eric saw her taking a big box out of a drawer.

'What's that?' he asked her.

'A jigsaw puzzle' she replied 'It's still in its wrapping, obviously I never had the chance to do it' she told him 'Do you feel up to it?' she asked him.

'Sure. I haven't done one of these in ages' he told her.

Calleigh cleared the area while Eric started removing the plastic wrapping and opening the box. He was actually a little excited. He always loved puzzles as a kid, but ever since he had joined the force, there was no time for kids stuff anymore. His idea of fun nowadays included discos, alcohol and sex, that was how he seemed to spend his time as a grown up while he wasn't working...all that and the gym. There was always time to lift some weights or go for a jog. He needed to anyway. His job required him to be as fit as possible.

Time was passing by, and they were so into it that they hardly said a word, nor did they realize what time it was. The frame was ready and they had good chunks of it done as well, but now they seemed to get stuck for the first time since they started the puzzle.

'Coffee?' he asked her.

'Giving up are we?' she teased.

'Of course not but I need a break' he replied, as he got up from the floor and started making his way towards the kitchen.

'Just like you need a break from your real life?' she asked and Eric turned to look at her.

'I beg your pardon?' he asked.

'The minute we got stuck doing the puzzle, you wanted a break' she told him.

'Calleigh we have been doing the puzzle for the last two hours and a half' he replied 'Don't you need to stretch your legs and have break too?' he asked her.

'We should be better at this you know. Our jobs are always pieces of puzzles put together. Sometimes, we wrap up a case in a day and sometimes it takes weeks, but we never give up' she told him.

'Is this why you wanted to do the puzzle?' he asked her.

'Part of it' she admitted.

'How come you're all of a sudden over what happened?' he asked her.

'Oh come on Eric, I'm not over what happened. How can I be over what happened after we just attended his funeral? Of course I'm not. I can still feel the gun against my head, the sound of the gun going off, the image of John falling to his death, I can still see all that and it still makes me shiver to my bones, but like everything else in my life, I have to be strong and try to face it...move on from it. I can't let this bring me down. You can't let all of that anger consume you. I can't remember the last time I really saw you smiling...I can't even remember the sound of your laugh' she told him.

'Oh come on Cal, don't exaggerate' Eric replied.

'I am not Eric. Ever since Speedle died...it's like a part of you died with him, and until you face what happened, you'll never be whole again' she told him.

'Wait a minute Cal...how did this turn on me? You are the one who was grieving, who was in shock and I came here to help you not the other way around' Eric told her.

'Yes you did and I am so grateful for you, for our friendship, for the connection that we have, but Eric I am worried about you and I want to help you move on' she told him.

'And I am grateful for you Cal, and I want to help you too but all of a sudden it seems like you don't need my help' he told her sounding almost upset.

'Oh Eric don't take it like that. You know I always try to do things on my own, and maybe I'm feeling strong right now, because it's daylight and somehow I have found some courage within me to fight this, but I am sure that his face, the sound of the gun are still going to haunt me at night. This is not some switch to turn off or on, and you can be there for me as much as you like, just like you did last night and the night before, but I refuse to drown in my sorrows' she told him.

'You mean your walls are way up higher than they were' Eric replied and Calleigh was not expecting that and he could see that from the expression on her face 'Oh I see...I struck a nerve did I?' he asked her.

'What you're going to turn this on me now?' she asked him.

'Well this is what you do. You push everything that hurts you aside and pretend it never happened. You pretend to ignore it, instead of facing it' Eric told her.

'I am not pretending anything and I am not pushing it aside. If I were I would still be coming to work and you won't be here' she told him.

'I am here because I am the only one you feel comfortable enough to remove that mask you put on in front of everyone else' Eric replied 'But you still haven't talked about what happened, how you felt, what you're feeling' he told her 'You haven't exposed those raw feelings to me, and that tells me that you are not facing what happened and dealing with it. You're trying to deal with it by helping me getting over Speedle's death' Eric told her.

He was right.

It took her a while to reply to that and Eric was waiting for what she had to say next 'Alright...I'll make you a deal. I will tell you everything but afterwards you have to do the same' Calleigh told him.

Eric took a deep long breath and gave her a nod as he extended his hand 'OK...you got a deal' he told her as Calleigh took his hand and they shook on it.

'Deal' she repeated.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7:**

They were back on the floor, eyes on the pieces of puzzles scattered around, trying to find the right piece to put next. They were both still very quiet, not saying a word while the bottle of wine was already half way down. It was like they were both waiting for one another to start talking, until Eric finally decided to start.

'OK...let's see...I have no idea from where I should start but I have been thinking long and hard about this...I think what is making his death so hard to except...is the fact that I didn't get the chance to say goodbye...and then I couldn't even drop everything to be with him' he finally blurted out.

Calleigh stopped. She didn't say anything though. She didn't want to interrupt him because interrupting him could make him stop talking.

'I am angry at him for being so reckless, for not cleaning the gun. You had warned him. I had warned him, Horatio had warned him. He even bought him a kit to clean the bloody gun, and he still didn't do it. Damn it, I get so mad at him when I start thinking about this. I get so mad I want to punch something because I can't punch him in his face. That's what I want to do. Punch the bloody idiot in his fuckin' face' Eric told her. By this point, he was up on his feet, walking into the kitchen and back into the living area.

'I was stuck on the case, a boy was kidnapped and I couldn't drop everything and go on the scene. I had to see him hours after at the morgue, and I know that his death was hard on you, on Horatio, on Alexx...I know that, but damn it he was my best friend. We used to hang out together, go out for beers, have fun with women, tease each other, and some bastard killed him, and I couldn't even get a shot at him, because I wasn't on the scene' Eric told her 'Sometimes, I even get mad at Horatio for not protecting him, but at the same time I know it is not his fault, and I don't know what to do about that. I don't know how to deal with that' Eric said. He scoffed and shook his head 'To think that he was killed because of fake diamonds' he whispered in disbelief 'And Mrs Williams walked out free of all of this' Eric said in disbelief.

'Well she didn't really walk out of all of this free. She did loose her husband' Calleigh corrected him.

'I don't know who to blame anymore. Mrs Williams for the fake diamonds, her ex for his jealousy, Speedle for his recklessness, Horatio for not shooting the bastard before he shot at Speed...I know it is impossible to get them all in a shoot out, and they didn't even have a vest on...Horatio himself could have been killed, but I still can't move past that' Eric told her 'Or the fact that I couldn't drop everything and go on the scene' Eric told her.

'Believe me, that was horrible' Calleigh told him then 'I had to go and I can still see everything pictured in my head. Speedle lying there in his pool of blood...and as Horatio gave me the details, I knew it was going to be due to a malfunction of his gun. I had this feeling...and then Rick entered the shop and I had to get out of there, I just had to. Seeing that man's face...I can't stand it' Calleigh told him as she shivered.

She got up from the floor and walked over towards Eric, putting a hand on his arm 'I know you wish you could have been able to come to the jeweler's shop, but I can assure you Eric, it was bad...very bad. That scene still haunts me...and poor Alexx, she had to do the autopsy on him, her own colleague and friend...' Calleigh said 'You know...I know this is hard and that you're hurting right now, reliving that moment, but Eric you need to talk about it so that you can face it and be able to move on...I didn't do this deal with you to watch you suffer' she assured him.

'I know Cal' he replied with a sad smile 'I guess it takes time, and not everyone heals at the same time' he told her.

'You wanna know a secret?' she asked him and Eric looked intrigued 'I still haven't healed from his death...I just have a different way of dealing with situations, which might not be in the best way either, because when you have to face the situation after you have been burying it for a lot of time, then it will hit you just as hard as it did at that moment, if not worse' she told him.

'You're still having a hard time excepting that he is gone too?' he asked her a little bit surprised.

'Yeah...why do you think I haven't been to his grave? I only went last time after we had talked about it, other than that I never went, and sometimes I feel really bad about it, but if I go, that means I am facing it, and just like you, I don't want to face the fact that Speedle is gone' she told him 'Sometimes I still expect him to walk into firearms or the canteen, or see him walk in the corridors or at a crime scene' she admitted.

'Yeah me too' Eric agreed 'So how do you manage to be so strong and not let it affect you so much?' he asked her.

'I try to think of the good times, those moments that Speed used to crack us up laughing...just thinking about his facial expression gets me smiling' she told him, and it did, even in that moment. Both Calleigh and Eric had to laugh as they pictured his facial expression whenever something used to piss him off, or being caught by Calleigh after using something from her kit and not replacing it and getting busted for it, just like he had been busted on that same day for not recharging her crime torch.

'I can't remember the last time I laughed thinking about him' Eric admitted 'Thanks Cal...you're the best medicine I can ever have' Eric told her as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her into a hug.

They both tightened their hold on each other, eyes closed deepening their embrace 'Promise me you clean your gun Eric' Calleigh told him 'Cause if you don't, who's going to come and sleepover at my apartment whenever an ex shoots himself in the head?' Calleigh told him.

'I promise you Calleigh, I clean my gun. You never have to worry about me when it comes to that' Eric assured her.

'You know ever since Speedle's death, I have been a bit paranoid' she confessed 'Every time you are out on your own diving or anywhere and a shooting occurs, I get agitated until I know you're safe. I'm scared history will repeat itself and you will get taken away from me unexpectedly' Calleigh told him.

'I know what you mean...I feel the same way too, and mainly when it comes to you...not that I don't care about the others, but you...I am more protective off you, especially after Speedle died' Eric told her.

'Me too' she replied 'You know what...I need some wine' she told him. After all those confessions and raw emotions, they needed some alcohol.

'You know...there is one thing I really feel guilty about when it comes to Speed' she started telling him before she took a sip from her glass.

'Oh yeah, what is it?' he asked her.

'Earlier that day that Speedle died, when I had realized that he had used my crime torch and didn't charge it, I told Alexx that I might actually get to kill Speedle someday...little did I know, someday was going to be that same day that he was to be killed' Calleigh told him sadly.

'Oh come on Cal, it's not like you really meant it' Eric started telling her 'It's just a figure of speech...a metaphor...you didn't actually mean it' he told her trying to ease her conscience 'We say that stuff all the time, mostly to people we love because we spend a lot of time together, but we don't actually mean that' he told her.

'Yeah but still, I said it and he died a couple of hours later' she told him 'I can never take that phrase back just as much as I can't bring Speedle back' she replied with a shrug. She drank the rest of her wine after that as she stood there, staring at a blank space. She hadn't thought about that in a long while, since his funeral. The whole time, especially in that particular moment when the casket started going down into the ground, all she could hear were her words, all she could see was him lying in his own pool of blood, dead.

This conversation was getting harder and harder by the minute. So many unhealed wounds were being reopened and Calleigh was feeling exhausted just as much as Eric was, and they hadn't been talking for hours, not to mention how they still hadn't started the Hagen topic...maybe they should talk about that some other time, after gaining some strength, cause at this rate, their strength was going to get to zero and then somehow, they would need to get it back up.

'No I guess you can't take it back...just like other things we said and done along the years unfortunately' Eric replied 'Maybe we should stop talking about all of this sad stuff' he suggested.

'I was just thinking that but no...we need to deal with all of this...Speedle, Hagen...all of it' she replied firmly.

She filled her glass again and emptied the rest of the bottle in Eric's glass and walked over towards the couch, as she sat down with one leg under her before Eric filled the empty space next to her.

'Have you ever thought about speaking to Horatio about the way you feel about him and his involvement in Speedle's death?' she asked him.

He was not expecting that.

'No...I mean...no' he repeated with eyes wide open 'I'm sure it was hell for him. The last thing I wanna do is hurt him some more' Eric told her.

'Yes I know he would be really hurt by it, but...it might help you heal, and I'm sure Horatio will understand where you're coming from' she told him 'And I am also sure he hasn't gotten over his death either...you just might be helping him too, you never know' Calleigh told him.

'Well I don't know' he replied skeptical 'I don't know...maybe if the topic comes up, who knows, maybe after this conversation, maybe I will and maybe I won't, I don't know' he repeated, and now it was Eric's turn to empty his wine glass 'I'm getting another bottle' he told her, and he got up from the couch and went into the kitchen to get another bottle of wine.

'To hell with the puzzle' Calleigh chuckled as she raised her glass.

'Well I'd rather be doing the puzzle then having this particular conversation, I tell you that' Eric told her.

'I know but we have to' she replied before she took a deep long breath herself 'So I guess...it is my turn now to talk about what happened with John' she told him.

'I guess it is' he replied with a nod.

'Alright...let's start then' she said 'I was in my lab testing some guns I had, when John came over and he started talking to me about why he wanted to become a cop, and he told me that it was to help people, be somebody's hero, and he looked really tired and upset. He started telling me how he thinks he will never live up to being the partner of a dirty cop, and I tried to tell him that people will forget, that he will bounce back. I tried to lift his spirits up...so much for lifting his spirit' Calleigh whispered 'I tried to tell him that I would really love to be friends with him, but he took it the wrong way. He said, I quote 'The harshest thing a woman can say to a man'. Is it really?' she asked him.

'Well...you know, it hurts when you want someone but all they want is friendship from you...it's hard to be just friends with that person, but I think it hurt him more because of the state he was in' Eric tried to explain.

'Well I couldn't be with him Eric...I can't be with someone who is so messed up and could so easily temper with evidence, and it wasn't just that. I felt like I couldn't breathe with him. He was so protective. Remember when I hurt my shoulder? I had asked him to not say anything, but no what did he do? He went and told Horatio, and he stopped me from going into the field...Anyway, that's when I told him to give me a minute to pack up the evidence so we could go and talk somewhere, and I walked past him...and while I was packing the evidence...I heard that sound...the sound of that familiar click from earlier that morning...the sound of the safety lock of the rugger and then it was like...like everything was happening in slow motion. I turned around just as he pulled the trigger and I saw him going down' Calleigh told him.

'In that split second while I was turning around as I heard the click, I swear I thought he was going to shoot me, just as I was realizing that it had been him at the crime scene who placed the gun against the back of my head. I don't think I even had a chance to be afraid for my life...it all happened so fast' she whispered.

'It is so messed up in my head. For a split second, everything moved in slow motion but at the same time, it all happened so fast, I couldn't wrap my mind around what had just happened. One minute I was talking to John and the next he was lying dead in my lab' Calleigh told him 'And then, so many people rushed in firearms...maybe someone saw something I don't know. The next thing I knew, Alexx was standing next to me' Calleigh told him.

'I don't get it...why? Why did he shoot himself? Was it because of what I said? Was it because I told him that I wanted to be friends with him? Was it because of me or because of Ray? Was it because he felt like he couldn't be someone's hero anymore? Why? Was he that on edge? So mentally finished?' she asked him.

'I guess he was...but Calleigh...you can't blame yourself. He didn't shoot himself because of you, because you didn't want to be with him anymore. You left him months ago. He just couldn't overcome what happened with Ray. It affected him too deep, and people didn't make it easier for him, or maybe it was all in his head, that everyone thought of him as the partner of a dirty cop. I mean...Ray is Horatio's brother, and no one looks at Horatio in that way because everyone knows how good he is on the job' Eric explained.

'Maybe I should have taken his calls all those times he called me instead of ignoring him' Calleigh told him.

'Calleigh you needed to send the message that there was no point in him calling you like that. You two weren't together anymore. He didn't have to call you in that way, I mean we knew that he was calling you to talk to because he still wanted you' Eric told her.

'I swear Eric he wasn't like that when we were dating. He took a turn for the worse some time after I dumped him' Calleigh said and then she realized how that sounded 'Oh my God, I didn't mean it in that way. It sounded like he lost his head because I dumped him' Calleigh said.

'I know what you meant Cal, and besides, I can assure you, any man would loose his mind over losing you' Eric assured her.

'Is that supposed to make me feel better?' she asked him.

'It should have been taken as a compliment yes' he told her.

'Sorry, I can't see it in that way' she apologized as she grabbed the glass of wine and drank at one go. She really needed the alcohol at that moment 'I just...I can't believe that he is dead...that he killed himself' she whispered.

'Is that what you are having the hardest time with? The fact that he is dead or the fact that he committed suicide right in front of you?' Eric asked her.

'Honestly...I don't know. I think, I'm still under shock from everything that happened. I'm still so shocked...I don't know if I am shocked that he killed himself in front of me or the fact that I can't wrap my mind around the fact that he is dead. I mean...my ex is dead, you know? Plus the trauma from having a gun placed against the back of my head...the thought that my ex could have killed me just because he wanted to be someone's hero again' Calleigh explained.

As she said the words, Calleigh could see Eric's facial expression change, even in the state that she was in already. She was talking about all of this after drinking half a bottle of wine.

'What?' she asked him 'What are you thinking?'.

'That he could have killed you! He could have taken you away from me just months after someone else took Speedle from me. The thought...the thought that _he_...your ex, a colleague, could have killed you, makes my blood boil in my veins' he told her.

'But he didn't Eric...I'm here, he didn't kill me' she told him as she cupped the side of his face in her hand 'I'm right here' she whispered.

At that moment their eyes locked on each other, his eyes were shifting from her eyes to her lips. She was standing too close to him and he was in no state to have extra strength to resist her. He could smell her, listen to her heart pounding in her chest. He could see her eyes shift to his lips, and Eric could scream from the way that he was feeling right now. It was like the time had stood still for the longest minute and then just as his brain was warning him not to be stupid and kiss her, his body moved, and his hand cupped the back of her head and their lips locked. Calleigh grabbed his t-shirt as she pulled him in, holding on to him, letting her mind register that Eric was kissing her, and then she felt him move, his tongue pressing against her lips to let him in, and she did.

The fire, the passion that she could feel through his kiss...the wine...this was all the wine's doing, and it was a bad idea, but God it felt so good and he was such a good kisser...she never wanted to stop kissing him. Her mind was focusing on the way that he was kissing her, the way his tongue danced with hers, she could hardly register everything that was happening, and then just like that his lips moved away and Calleigh wanted to scream. She had no idea who stopped kissing who, until she heard herself say 'Eric...we can't...what are we doing?'

She stopped kissing him? Why? Was she stupid? No one had ever kissed her the way he did just now.

'I can't loose you too Cal, I just can't. I won't be able to handle it if I do' he whispered resting his forehead against hers.

'I'm not going anywhere Eric...I'm not going anywhere' she repeated, her forehead resting against his, her hand on his chest 'I'm right here'.


End file.
